The Mental Cost of Owning a Business That We Need to Talk About

The Mental Cost of Owning a Business That We Need to Talk About

It’s the perfect formula to happiness – setting your own hours, creating something new, being the boss, calling the shots, being idolized for your unstoppable success, living a life of freedom… In theory, the concept of entrepreneurship just sounds so sexy (at least I can feel kind of sexy working from the couch in my favorite dreamy kimono robe).

But there’s a dark side. Reaping the benefits of this romanticized career choice requires risks. Gambling with something far more precious than money, time, and security… mental health.

The expectations of starting a business are brutal. Everyone around you tells you it’s not going to happen or that leaving your 9-5 to pursue your idea isn’t worth it. You want to prove them wrong. You neglect their forewarnings. Talk yourself up. Read every inspirational article out there on making shit up. You keep telling yourself “you got this”, but slowly, the balls start dropping. You’re running out of money. But you’re still trucking along.

Instead of turning to your friends and family who doubted you, you shut them off.

Maybe they were right. You can’t face that reality. With a startup success rate of a puny 10%, your entire heart is dedicated to making sure your business baby isn’t going to fall into the 90% of them that don’t survive (and because good things come to those who hustle, right?).

I get it. Now, not only are you struggling, but you can’t go to your friends and family for support because you’re too fragile to take the hit of the dreaded, “I told you so”.

It doesn’t help that every entrepreneur Facebook Group and the badass business babes you follow on social media rarely share the shitty parts of starting a business (that’s why you should come hang out with us in Gem Nation ). When everyone else looks like they have their lives together, it only increases the pressure for you to pick up your own shit.

“Many entrepreneurs tie their self-worth to their net worth. When the business is doing well, their self-esteem skyrockets,” explains Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.

“But when they lose a little money or fail to meet their goals, they find themselves struggling with their identity because their business isn’t what they do — it’s who they are.” 

Every day you go for a ride on a mental rollercoaster and when you wake up in the morning, once you can muster up enough motivation to get out of bed, you never know what is going to trigger an exponential rise, or a sudden drop.

Your confidence starts to deteriorate. Everywhere you look, other people are succeeding and you’re not. Maybe you can’t do this? What were you thinking giving up everything to start your stupid dream? This isn’t worth it.

“I have had depression my whole life. As a business owner, it can be terribly hard to focus and stay energized when you are depressed. Having to reach out to clients or even sending an email can seem insurmountable at times. Getting on the right medication was key for me. Also, working out, eating right and getting rid of toxic people in my life… that was key for me. I have recently started yoga and meditation and that seems to have made a difference in my stress level and anxiety too. Gosh, I could go on and on.  Thing is depression never really goes away. It’s a constant battle such as alcoholism. One day at a time.” – An anonymous entrepreneur

According to a study by Dr. Michael Freeman, a clinical professor at the University of California, San Francisco, 30% of all entrepreneurs experience depression; a significantly higher rate than depression in Americans in general, which is 7%. That is 1 in 3 entrepreneurs. I wish I could  say I’m surprised by this statistic, but I’m not.

Trying to hold a smile while you’re sinking only takes up more of the energy that you already no longer have. And that’s part of the problem.

We must put an end to what social psychiatrists call impression management — the “fake it till you make it” mindset. It’s a very, very poorly executed marketing tactic.

We’re convinced that if we become vulnerable and show our customers that no, everything isn’t okay and sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing, that business will suffer. Who wants to buy from someone who doesn’t have their shit together?

Me. I’m a fan of supporting people. Real people. Being a human is a far more powerful way to market your brand than any Facebook Ad, finely executed sales copy, or super high profile press placement will ever be. Being authentic is a long term strategy. It’s not a fast track to a few quick sales like other methods. It’s the foundation of a successful creative entrepreneur.

When people can trust, relate, and connect with you, in time, they will buy ANYTHING you tell them to.

Kristl Yuen, Business Strategist, Mindset Coach, and co-creator of Joy Patrol shares, “Being an entrepreneur often feeds my depression because of the tendency to do everything yourself, work long hours, isolate from friends and family, and compare yourself to everyone else. I used to suffer in secret, but I found that once I started sharing my feelings, I started connecting with people. Other entrepreneurs reached out and told me they dealt with similar feelings and that hearing me talk about it made them feel less alone. THAT is why we need to talk about it.”

No matter where you’re at with your business or what you’re struggling with, make your mental health a priority, because guess what? When the success starts to come, that doesn’t mean the stress will stop. The good news is, it is possible to physically make stress your friend. In fact, Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal makes a fascinating case that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case.

“When you embrace stress, you can transform fear into courage, isolation into connection, and suffering into meaning.” Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress

In the seemingly uncontrollable cycle of entrepreneurial stress, we do the worst things we can do – we stop taking care of ourselves. “You can get into a startup mode, where you push yourself and abuse your body,” Freeman tells Inc. “That can trigger mood vulnerability.” 

Truth be told, if you’re looking for a work-life balance, it’s not going to happen because your business is you. It’s far too easy for “burnout” to slip into something deeper, without you even knowing it. I’m working on making self-care part of my routine – putting taking care of me on the same playing field as taking care of my business.

“Emotional difficulties aren’t a sign of weakness. It’s just a fact that the entrepreneurial lifestyle often lends itself to reduced resilience against mental health issues,” Amy Morin shares on The Huffington Post, “Take a proactive approach to preventing emotional problems by building mental strength. If you’re already noticing the psychological toll of business ownership, seek professional help before it gets worse.”

Be stronger than the stigma. 

Being honest and accepting your struggles is not only going to help you, but it will humanize your brand and show your audience you are real. You don’t know who else is struggling. You are not alone. If you’re building a brand, you’re constantly networking. Take 9 of the other entrepreneurs you know. At least 3 more of them are struggling mentally just like you are.

Here are a few things to try that may help improve your mindset and mental strength:

  • Try meditation to focus a chaotic mind 
  • Ask yourself “how are you doing?”
  • Learn to accept and maybe even appreciate failure
  • Frequently set aside time to check in with your mental health
  • Try a few of these yoga poses
  • Never forget the power of your story
  • Overcome the need to be perfect
  • Implement a personal crisis plan
  • Know that it’s okay to let yourself be miserable sometimes
  • Make wellness an important, and necessary component of your business
  • Set realistic goals based of off what your soul is telling you

Go ahead, hit one of those share buttons. The more people that see this, the more we can extend the conversation around mental health and demolish the stigma. 

(This article was originally posted here.)