Let’s talk about our fear of failure and giving up before we’ve started.
If you have big goals and dreams but still haven’t achieved them yet, then this might apply to you as well.
As I said before in my emails and social posts… I’m committed to stepping up majorly in 2019 to make it the best year yet. That means, I’m going ALL IN.
And before we haven’t even completed the first quarter of the year, I was debilitated with postpartum anxiety (and depression). That was hard. Really really hard because I’ve never experienced anything quite like it in my life.
It was horrible. I had nightmares that made me afraid to go back to sleep. The intrusive thoughts that popped up in my head were scary. I felt like the whole world around me was collapsing. I felt hopeless and suffocated. And all I wanted to do was run away. Away from everyone.
Whilst it’s my physical body adjusting the hormonal changes and massive transformation of birthing a child, I know that a big part of it was also the deep-rooted fears that were in the blindspot.
When I made a decision to go all in on my dreams this year, I know what comes with it.
Anything that’s not in alignment with where I’m going and the frequency I’m shifting into will come up. While a lot of what I experienced was irrational concerns around Eli (his wellbeing, health, safety, etc.), it was also linked to a big part of the unhealed parts of me.
A lot of “Am I good enough? I don’t fit in. Nobody likes me. I don’t know what I’m doing” came up. And I can see how they are showing up in the way I step up in my life and business as well.
Of course I’m writing this now because I can feel that I’ve come out of it. That’s what I want to share with you.
How did I shift one of the most difficult phases of my life?
Did you know that an average child falls down 300 times before he learns to walk? And average adult falls 3 times before she decides that she’s a failure. That makes me think… what are we doing to ourselves? That was a massive perspective shift for me.
We’re basically infants in what we do right now. Whether it’s business, relationship, dancing or learning how to become a mother, even if we’ve been at it for a year, we’re practically still infants. So rather than focusing on falling, why don’t celebrate every time we get back up and say… “I’ve only got 290 times to go!”
I’ve also started doing this practice that I call #365daysofme. The concept is really to bring everything back to me. Whatever I experience, whoever shows up in my life or whatever situation I find myself in, I create it. That means, I have the opportunity to change it as well.
So even if the other person was unfair, I still have a choice how I want to feel and respond to it. This process allows me to go deep into my introspective inquiry and uncover so many of the deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that are holding me back.
Understanding that we’re the combination of mind, body and soul, I’ve also been taking care of my physical wellbeing.
Every morning, I drink delicious smoothies filled with superfood powders.
I do cold showers even if it’s 6 degrees cold.
I turn on my favourite music, put my headphones on and dance like nobody’s watching.
I listen to my favourite audios to learn and shift myself energetically and emotionally.
I learned to ask for help from people around me. This used to make me feel like I’m incapable but that was just a story. I now see this as giving opportunity to those who want to help to come even more closer to me and my world.
Here’s the most important part.
Every second, minute and day that I was going a very difficult phase, I allow myself to sit through the experience. And be present with the pain wholeheartedly - without judgement or running away.
I acknowledge the pain or the struggle unconditionally because I know that…
In pain, we find growth.
In absence of the resistance, we find a powerful connection to self.
In honouring where we are in our journey without judgement, we find strength.
In bringing it back to ourselves, we claim the power back.
And just like that, I found a breakthrough after that breakdown. Again.
Right after that… the anxiety, the fogginess, the headache, the body aches and the heaviness that I felt over me lifted instantly. And I felt (still do) a sense of renewed purpose.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because I see so many people give up when they go through their own version of this experience. They try a few things and say it doesn’t work, it’s too hard and they’re not made for this. They stop trying. And they quit before they’ve even started.
It is in these moments that you step up. Imagine life as a game you play. In order for you to level up, there’s a battle with a giant or a puzzle you need to solve to unlock the next part.
What if these experiences are the puzzles of life that allows you to unlock so you can become the being that you’re born to be? I know the title says my recent experience with postpartum anxiety and I’m not delving too much into it. Because I don’t want to focus too much on it when there’s something better to focus on.
What we focus on expands. So whether you’re mum landed on this page, a lightworker feeling spiritual depression or an entrepreneur feeling the lows, my message to you is this:
Nothing is permanent. It’s a given that you’ll walk. You just need to fall in love with the crawling and falling phase. That’s how you strengthen your physical, emotional and energetic muscles.
You’ve got this. Remember, in every breakdown, there’s a major breakthrough.