Why leaving my friends was the best thing I did
If you’re someone who has big ideas and want to achieve great things in life, but wondering ‘even if you’re cut out for the thing you want to do’, then this article is for you.
You see growing up, my parents worked hard to give us a life that was comfortable so we can pursue our education, go on family trips to learn about nature and experience the cultures. My brother used to stay with my grandparents most of the time so at home, I spent most of my childhood exploring the neighbourhood, in nature or with animals.
As a rebel in nature, when I’m told to not do something - I did exactly that. My parents told me not to wander around the neighbourhood without them knowing and you can guess what I did. They locked the doors, I climbed out of my window. They locked the gates, I put a ladder against the fence and climbed out. There was literally nothing that could stop me because all I wanted was to explore and make new friends. This was when I was 8.
We were one of the richest families in the neighbourhood because we had a little wooden house. The rest were thatched huts. I had so many friends in the neighbourhood, most of them were street kids, that whenever we went out in our old volkswagen van, there would at least be 15 kids waving as if I was princess Diana. Or at least that was how I felt!
Of course with that, I learned how to be street smart since young.
Then I got into high-school then university. My groups of friends had changed. Most of them were into beauty and boys, so of course I learned how to do make-up and go out on dates. Then I started my career and my friends changed. They were into parties, money, status and fame. So of course, I learned how to make money, party and chase the things that I once thought was a necessity in life.
However, one thing that really amazed me was - how easy it was for me to change myself so I could fit into different groups of people at different phases of my life. One of my friends said that I live my life like the episodes from a TV series. It’s never the same. It’s never boring. And it’s full of action.
Although I changed lifestyle, priorities in my life, geographic locations and groups of friends, there’s one thing that’s been the same since young - it’s my thirst for growth. The first book I picked up when I was 12 was a philosophy and psychology book that explained about life and how why we are the way we are.
At the same time, I had to live life and go through life with all these different groups of friends because I needed to learn; the pains and pleasures, losses and wins, ego and purpose, integrity and dishonesty, ethic and immorality.
As I went through the different stages of my life - I learned a lot. But one very expensive lesson that I learned especially through the currency of time was the infamous quote we all know “You are the average of the 5 people around you”.
You are the average of the 5 people
You see what I didn’t know back then was the driving factors behind my actions; the sense of belonging and the values we borrowed from those around us. As I flow through life, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be like others. I wanted to be liked. I borrowed values that weren’t mine from others. The values that defined these things at different stages of my life; ‘You only live once’, ‘Happiness’, ‘Success’, ‘Purpose’, ‘Fulfilment’ and then ‘Meaning’.
Then I became the spectator of my own life and the witness of my own transformations. I started to see my patterns very clearly. I started to learn how to dig deep on how I was showing up in life.
We all know that our conscious mind is only 10% of who we are and the subconscious is the 90%. And it’s in the subconscious mind where our values, belief systems, experiences and the meanings we give to the experiences are stored.
Then I found the question of the century.
Who do I need to become in order for me to step into the future version of myself?
That was after I had a series of accidents, among which I escaped death twice. And the ‘You only live once’ mentality took me down the path of ending up in the emergency ward and getting diagnosed with severe anxiety.
Yes I did have everything else I wanted in life. I had a different definition of ‘success’ at the time. I realised that I needed to re-define ‘success’ and also ‘happiness’.
I had a wake-up call.
As much as I learned so much about life through chasing the wrong things and surrounding myself with the wrong people, I also learned that - I didn’t like the person looking back at me whenever I stood in front of a mirror.
The days when self-realisations began.
I realised that I needed to start surrounding myself with different people. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re so used to doing the same things together with them that at one point, when you start doing something different - they look at you like you’re crazy? You’re not alone.
Letting go of the old groups of friends was easy but calling in the whole new tribe who’s in alignment was something else. I realised that, it’s not just about leaving friends. It’s about installing a new program and upgrading my internal Operating System from 1.0 to 2.0.
OS 2.0 is the version I wanted to become. Someone who speaks her truth, has integrity with words, seek for meaning, act with authenticity and true to her heart.
We attract who we are
We do attract who we are. I looked at my relationships, jobs, mistakes and lessons. I knew that I needed to change myself first before I change friends or even my life. And changing friends isn’t about ditching them as the title says. It’s really about understanding how different people show up in our lives giving us different assignments.
They are all there for a purpose. Sometimes we call them in consciously. Most of the time, we call them in subconsciously. As we’re all connected to this matrix called the web of consciousness, whatever we’re thinking is already getting manifested in the ether.
Imagine writing blog posts with your thoughts. Whatever words and language you’re using, Google’s SEO will pick it up and send it to those who are searching for that very same thing. Before you know it, you’ve already attracted them. Before you know it, they’re already in your circle.
If Google is the synthetic internet, then consciousness is the organic version.
How high do you want to fly?
So yes, I did let go of many friends. Some are offended. Some understand. Some don’t even realise. But it’s not about them. It’s about me living my truth. Birds of a feather do flock together. But the great news is, we get to transform into different types of birds as we shift through life.
We’re all flying through life. The only question is - What bird do you want to be? What heights do you want reach? How fast do you want to travel? And which flock do you want to fly with?
If you’re ready to reach the heights in life that are meaningful and impactful, I invite you to check out Be Charged.Life.
(The variation of this article has been originally published on MindBodyGreen)
Arabelle is a writer, lover of life and adventurer, goes by the official titles of International Speaker, Life & Business Strategist and Clinical Psychotherapist at www.arabelleyee.com. Born Buddhist, taught in ancient indigenous wisdom, trained in modern healing modalities and naturally curious about life, Arabelle teaches, writes and speaks about all things mindset and how we can be the Conscious Creators of our future. Click here to access free trainings.