How to build self-confidence

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? 

I was asked that question when I was 16 and it changed my life. I’ve always had confidence in my life in most things. That wasn’t a cover-up confidence to hide my weaknesses. It was the belief I had in myself. I believed that when I set my mind to it, I’ll always achieve. 

For a long time, I’ve understood that the level of confidence that you have determines the quality of life you have. Your level of confidence determines how much you can sell in business and how much you can achieve in life. 

Your level of confidence also determines how attractive you are. When was the last time you were attracted to someone who wasn’t ‘good looking’ by your standards but so confident that you couldn’t help but be attracted to that person? 

Your level of confidence also determines the level of magnetism you have. This is extremely useful in marketing, sales, dating, interpersonal relationships and even in your career. When you’re confident, people listen to you. You raise your level of influence in the society. 

But when I was asked that question “What would you do if you weren’t afraid”, that created a whole new perception towards the life I was about to live. 

There are those who face their fears head on, doing what they believe in, not letting other people’s criticism affect them, willing to take risks, admit when they make mistakes and accept compliments willingly. 

And there are those who get affected by other people’s judgements, who stay in their comfort zone, cover up mistakes rather than admitting and fixing them and deflecting compliments when they receive one. 

If you’ve always admired those who act and behave with certainty and authenticity, you’re not the only one. Self-confidence is something that’s very important in every aspect of our lives. 

Confidence is linked to self-worth and self-belief. It’s about how we perceive ourselves in comparison to others. And of course, there’s comparison as well. 

If we’re alone on an island then we wouldn’t be thinking about confidence. 

Now know that confidence is a mind-made perception. As babies, we only had two fears; fear of falling and fear of loud noises. But as we grow older, we start to learn the fears from others; friends, families, people around us, games and TV. 

So now as adults, we’re crippled by the fears we’ve developed. It’s like in those sci-fi movies where we created machines and the machines start to control us in the future. 

But the good thing is, we can turn this around. When it’s created by our mind, we can also re-program our mind to perceive things in a different way. 

So if you’re looking for practical but simple strategies to become more confident, then you’re in the right place.


So the first step is to set goals that are aligned to our highest values. When we pursue goals that are in alignment, then we take inspired action from within. We don’t need motivation or alarm clock to wake us up in the morning. We feel calm and certain of the actions we’re taking. 

When we’re setting goals, it’s important to break them down into simple and actionable bite-sized chunks and they need to be realistic as well. The way I teach is to set top 3 goals to achieve in 12 months and then mini goals to achieve every quarter. In fact, this is the process I take people through in my Transformational Coaching Program Be Charged.Life. 


The next step is for us to set intentions and setting micro intentions every thing we do. By setting intentions, we’re not only navigating our daily lives, we’re also raising our vibration by being in alignment. 

As Matt Khan said intention is a ‘suggestion' we suggest to ourself. It’s a statement that no matter what the outcome is, you intend to be, act and think this way. It’s about the way in which you want to experience the experience. It’s not controlling, it’s commanding. 

As a navigator of your journey, you can’t control the outcomes but you can command the direction. 

The intention is sort of the ‘why' because when the why is big enough, the how is taken care of automatically. 


This is a process that all of us innately do. This isn’t a new age technique but rather how our brain works. To our brain, what’s happened in the past is believed to be true because it’s already seen it happened. And what hasn’t happened in the future is a threat to your ego. So when you’re about to do something that you haven’t done before, then your ego will hold you back. 

So when we visualise in detail of how we want to think and behave in the future repetitively, then our brain start to re-wire it as the thing that you always do so it comes natural to you. 


This isn’t something new but not many are doing it. Practice makes perfect. Are you lacking confidence as a Speaker? Practise speaking in front of the mirror. Are you lacking confidence in selling? Practise selling at home. 

Practise, practise and practise until it becomes natural to you. 


Confidence comes from feeling good about yourself and feeling enough. Most of us feel that we’re not enough because we’re comparing ourselves with others. 

So the question is, how can you feel enough? Ask yourself “What do you think isn’t available for you?” Is it love? Is it acceptance? Is it recognition? 

Because whatever it is we think isn’t available for us, we will start to feel that we’re not enough. 

Feeling good about ourselves also comes from working on ourselves. Self development and soul searching isn’t only for the crazy ones or when you get into depression. It’s about self introspection, getting connected to yourself and understanding yourself in a way that you learn to let go of the limiting beliefs that hold you back and up-leveling yourself into a better human being. 


This means not wearing any masks. We change our personalities depending on who we’re with. That’s why when you have an argument with your partner and tell about it to your friends, they don’t get it because to them your partner is the nicest person in the world. 

Be yourself because everyone else is taken. If you’re quirky, be quirky. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re series, be serious. I’ve been told many times that I’m so serious. Yes sure, I need to loosen up at times but with seriousness, I get things done. 


The key to confidence is alignment. Be in alignment with your highest values, thoughts, actions and authentic self. Anytime you’re trying to do something that’s not of high important to you then you tend to procrastinate, compare and have less confidence. 

Also know that others who look confident outwardly, may not always be truly confident. Most of the time, it’s a cover-up act so they can present themselves but it does more harm to you than good. 

xo Arabelle