I’m done with relationships.
Have you said that before? I have but I realised that we’re never done with relationships because we’re always in a relationship with someone or something. We’re in a relationship with our friends, partners, parents, dog, business, boss or even our laptop!
Great news is, all the people and things that we’re in a relationship with are always teaching us something. They are an opportunity for us to see ourselves very clearly - what our patterns are, what’s holding us back and how can we be whole.
[Note: when I say relationships, I’m not talking just about romantic relationships.]
There are a number of ways how our relationships can be a mirror to us.
1. The Close Circle Mirror
I once knew someone, let’s call him Jim, who used to drink everyday because he was going through a really bad patch in his life. He has a dog. All of us thought that with the rate that Jim was drinking, his liver must be hurting. Surely, within a few months, his dog fell sick with a serious liver problem.
There had been many similar cases where when a wife gets pregnant, the husband has morning sickness. Similar to that, when a twin is experiencing something, the other one on the other side of the world can be experiencing exactly the same thing.
Now if you look at the patterns, these are all the people we’re in a close relationship with. And they are somehow mirroring what’s going on in our lives.
2. Judgement Mirror
We’ve been taught to ‘treat others how we want to be treated’. But what hasn’t been highlighted is to treat people from the heart without judgements. Judgements trigger emotions that have a big charge within us.
Why do we judge people? Usually from the past experiences.
One of my clients have had two people violated her trust and cheated on her with her businesses and it happened at the same time. That surely was a big indicator that something was up. She thought of going down the legal path but we worked through the options. During that process, we found out a big reflection that was guiding her to go deeper and look into her patterns.
A lot of her past experiences came up where her trust was violated and where she was cheated on which goes as far as her childhood memories. The high school sweetheart who broke her heart, the best friend who broke her trust, the boss who never gave the promotion he promised and many more. When she had those experiences, she gave MEANING to those experiences and attached EMOTIONS that have a big negative charge.
The programming in her mind was so subtle and got built on silently in the background over the years that she didn’t even notice. Now the incident with these two people gave her a chance to go deeper within herself so she can heal and neutralise the emotional charge.
Because as long as we have the negative charge attached to a certain emotion and judgement, that will keep us in similar situations all our life. That judgement is the magnet to attract more negative charge and also the glue that keeps us in those situations. The only way to get out is to dissolve that charge by recognising, accepting and being neutral.
Best if we could be grateful that it happened for us.
That judgement is the magnet to attract more negative charge and also the glue that will keep those kinds of relationships in our life.
3. Reflection Mirror
When someone irritates you, it may be more than just an irritation. Someone that I used to be in a relationship with used to get very annoyed with me for working hard everyday. He thought I was a workaholic, had no life and greedy. The thing is, that was and is my life. My work is my life because I’m doing what I love. So we sat down and talked. I wanted him to understand what drives me intrinsically to work diligently and happily all the time, and that this is my life.
What we found out was, HE wanted to quit his job and do what he loves … like me!
But in his belief system and program, he was taught and has lived all his life this way - that in order to live a secure life, you need to work very hard for someone because that meant stability, security and living a normal life. (Even though you can get fired or laid off in this economy easily!) Although he had his dreams, passions and yearnings to do what he loves, he gave away that part of his life to the false belief system.
So every time he sees me doing what I love 24/7, it was a trigger for him. And I was a mirror of the missing piece in his life. Now he had a choice to keep on feeling the negative emotions or choose to do something with his life.
4. The Void
The last thing is what we feel is missing in our life. The human mind is 2 billion years old and it’s not about happiness. It’s about survival. In order to survive, we compromise or give away little parts of ourselves to be socially acceptable, to avoid conflict or to prevent unnecessary painful circumstances.
As a child, in Burma, it was easier for us to stay silent in the classroom and not question the teacher because doing so meant the teacher would strike us with a cane, literally. Likewise, it’s easier to let go of who we are as a person and pretend to be someone else to fit into the expectations of the other person because that means we’ll be secure in that relationship. It’s easier to agree with everyone else rather than speak up because that means we’re safe.
So every time we’re giving away our power or a part of who we are as a person in order to survive in our belief system, we’re creating little voids in life. Those little voids are what we feel missing in our life. So when we see that in the other person, we become instantly attracted to that person and we put them on the pedestal.
The thing is, what we see in the other person is what we already have within us. We just haven’t tapped into deeply or develop fully. So when we feel we want what they have, when we feel that instant irresistible connection or magnetism that pulls us towards them, it’s actually us doing it!
So the question is, where do we go from there? Messages are always hidden in plain sights and these mirrors are the messages telling us to go deeper within ourselves so we can understand our own psychology well; limiting beliefs, patterns, strengths and weaknesses.
If you want to find out more about how to dive deep within yourself and re-wire your brain for success, check out Be Charged.Life.
How would your life change if you’re so charged up that you can smash through any blocks that’s in the way from where you are now to where you want to be?
Being charged in Life is about saying no to the outside noises and saying YES to your inner voice. It’s about aligning yourself with the universe that your thoughts become things.
It’s about rewiring your brain in a way that you can’t help but be open for opportunities that you never thought existed.
It’s about doing the personal development work with a high dose of scientific research, emotional work, spiritual techniques and inner work tools.
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