Why I hit rock bottom in my life
The other day, I shared this very personal story with a friend and she insisted that I share with you. Naturally just like many other people, I said nobody would be interested in my story, why should I share, it’s too personal etc., you know the normal human way of not wanting to be vulnerable but here you go.
About 5 years ago, I found myself having a few glasses of wine every evening and I had a perfect excuse; “I work too hard. I deserve this. This is relaxation for me. This is social” but in fact, I was having those drinks even if there was nobody to drink with.
You see here are a few things that I didn’t realise or I was in denial of -
I wasn’t happy with my life
I had a great job. I was married. I owned so many nice outfits and material possessions. I bought my first house. On the surface, I was living a life that I always wanted - or a life that I thought I should be living because everyone else around me was doing the same thing at that age. But I failed to do one thing - and that was to ask myself “What do I really want in life?”.
I was constantly comparing myself with others
At 28, there is a social standard or norm what a woman should be doing at that age. In order for me to fit in and not be frowned upon (limiting belief), I needed to keep up with my lifestyle and do similar things what others were doing.
I listened to the outside noises instead of the voice within
I knew that I have my own internal guidance system which I call Personal GPS (aka my heart) but instead I used my logic (my head) and listened to everyone else's opinions, expectations and judgements. As a result, I was living my life to fulfil other people’s standards rather than setting my own.
If you know me well, you’ll know that I’m very ambitious. I walk my talk. I achieve what I set out to do so. I set my bar very high. Sure I had achieved every single goal on my list, even earlier than the duration I had set for myself.
But the problem was - I wasn’t living my life in alignment with my highest values.
So when I finally realised that having a cellar full of bottles of wines with the excuse that this was a great way to entertain and socialise, I realised that I was in denial. I wasn’t happy with my life. I didn’t know what I wanted at that point.
This is what I call quarter-life crisis. The comparatitis depression. The insidious denial.
I had hit rock bottom
Like I always say, we’re all living moment from moment, making tiny decisions every second that has mighty impact on our lives. At that point, I could choose to stay stuck and be in victim consciousness and say “I’m unhappy. I’m depressed. I need love and sympathy from everyone around me. Please give me attention” or I could choose to say “Thank you for this behaviour. This is a great symptom and feedback that my life isn’t in alignment. I’m grateful for the many glasses of wine that woke me up. I can do something about this”
You guessed it right. I choose to see it in the latter way and I took charge of my life. I changed my diet, my lifestyle, my perspective towards life and even my circle of friends. It wasn’t easy but to me life is about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Little did I know how it would turn my life around 180 degrees. Not only did that make me become healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually, it was the start of the journey that lead me to where I am today.
Now I’m not special. I’m just like you. The 'more' that we're looking for life, the freedom, the happiness, it all starts from within.
Arabelle is a writer, lover of life and adventurer. Goes by the official titles of International Speaker, Life & Business Strategist and Clinical Psychotherapist.
Born as a buddhist, taught in ancient indigenous wisdom, trained in modern healing modalities and naturally curious about life, Arabelle teaches, writes and speaks about all things Mindset, Leadership, Personal Development and Business startups.
If you haven't, you might want to check out her free trainings here.